Monday, June 8, 2009

The only Man she needs

It was a daddy’s night out. After watching the Lakers make the Orlando Magic disappear during the NBA finals, a couple of us young dads went out to celebrate. I don’t know what it is about being a die-hard fan and watching your team just crush an opponent, but it got us in the mood to see women on stage slowly take articles of clothing off their bodies while dancing/climbing on a pole. We were going to a Strip club. Now is going to a Gentlemen’s club wrong? Maybe; is it a waste of money? Definitely; but it is also a space where guys bond in a way uniquely from any other place. Before you get offended and stop reading here, I’d like to point out that this post is not meant to defend or justify our choice to take part in an experience that openly degrades women and financially exploits men’s lustful inclinations, but to share a conversation I had with an employee of said establishment which resulted in a theory. I believe that some mothers project their dissatisfaction with their male partners towards their sons and raise them to be their ideal partner versus their ideal child.

Her name was Diamond and she started walking in my direction. I was getting a little bored so I left my friends who were near the stage and I went off to the side to watch the replay of the game from earlier that evening. It’s funny how seeming to be by yourself in a club like that brings so much more attention your way. I was preparing myself to let her down gently, when she pitched me her pick up line. “Are you ready for a lap dance?” Diamond said. “No I’m ok,” I told her. “It’s only 10 dollars and I’ll make it a good one,” she persisted. “No thank you,” I responded.

On a side note, it’s such a role reversal with strippers because as guys we are typically the aggressors, but in this environment, they are the hunters and we are the prey.

At this point, I assumed she would just walk away and make the remainder of her rounds in the room, but instead she decided to sit down on my lap and have a conversation. Once she stopped trying to get my 10 bucks, we got into the topic of family. She started talking about her son who was seven years old and according to her was a chick magnet (flirting with older women – 5th graders), in touch with his masculinity enough to be able to talk with his mom about women’s fashion (but not being gay), and the most mature child you would ever meet. She was a single mom who loved her son.

After hearing this I came to wonder if mothers invest more of themselves with their children because their men are not as willing to be molded to their needs and standards. With Diamond, it sounded like she was describing to me her ideal “Man” versus her child. She was raising him to be the man that she wanted in her life because she may have not been able to find it from her “baby-daddy.” I have heard of other moms who are able to stay in dysfunctional relationships because they allow their relationship with their children to overshadow any issues with their partners. They end up not caring about the status of their relationship because they get the stability and unconditional love they desire from their kids and for many mothers, their sons.

It’s very easy for children to distract couples from continually working at their relationship. It’s one thing to be busy with preparing the kids’ breakfast, helping with homework, and putting them to bed every night, but it’s another to emotionally put you and your children on an island and leave your partner with a life vest out in the ocean. It becomes very easy for us to emotionally attach ourselves to our children and only physically present with our significant other.

Diamond, if you ever read this, I thank you for the conversation (and not charging me for it) and wish you a career change in the near future so you can be home with your son to tuck him.

Until Next time…

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